When did dogs stop being dogs?

When did dogs stop being dogs?  We took our dog to the vet for shots and a check up.  The vet told us that we have to take her to an ophthalmologist for an eye problem that she is having.  I did not know that there was such a thing as an ophthalmologist for pets.  Is there really a demand for this?  What happens when you take your dog in?  Do they dilate their eyes, put them in a dark room and ask them to read the line that they can see the best?  If your dog needs corrective lens do you go with contact lenses or glasses and if you go with contact lenses who put the lenses in every morning.  As our dogs age are they going to need bifocals?    It is so confusing. 

I guess it’s just as odd as dressing our pets in clothes.  I was at the store picking up dog food and decided to look at the accessories.  The things that I saw were mind blowing.  There was an evening gown, sandals for their paws, bikinis, winter jackets, a large selection of bandanas, t-shirts and collars that had more bling on them then what you would see on Mr. T.  I was so surprised. 

I was at a parade the other day and someone was pushing their dog in a stroller made for dogs.  Correct me if I’m wrong but when you take your dog for a walk isn’t the purpose of a walk is to actually have your dog walk?

Of course my dog expects someone to hold the doggie door open for her, has her own chase lounge chair, beach towel, and raft for the pool so who am I to judge other dog owners.  So I guess I will take her to the ophthalmologist in a cute outfit with matching sandals being pushed in a stroller and then come home put on her bathing suit grab her towel and head out to the pool to float around the pool on her raft.

Happily ever after!

My youngest daughter has announced her engagement.  We are so excited for her as she is marrying a great guy, someone who loves her so much you can see it in his eyes when he looks at her.  While I’m happy for her it still makes me a little sad as I feel like my baby is growing up way to fast.

With the plans for the big day under way I can’t help but think about the day she was born and her childhood.  She came into this world full of attitude and ready to conquer the world but on her terms, which is the way she has always lived her life.

We knew early on that she was opinionated.   She would argue with us over everything and she always knew she was right.  We were always wrong no matter what.  I learned with her that I had to be one step ahead of her at all times and that reasoning with her was the best way to handle her and to say what I mean and mean what I say.  She learned to use the phone at about age 3, which is when she decided to call in reinforcements, Grandma.   She would call my mom and tell on me.  She once told my mom that I needed a spanking. 

Elementary school was a trying time not only for me but for her teachers.  When she got it in her mind to do things her way there was no reasoning with her.  I’m sure the teachers were happy when she moved up a grade.  Thank God that by the time she went into sixth grade she changed and became the perfect teenager.  She never lied, or at least that I caught her at it, she never missed curfew, we had a dog that would let us know the minute she got home, she was just a great kid to be around. 

Now that she is grown she has really turned into an amazing woman and I know that she has so much more to offer the world and that she is going to do great things.  Of course as the planning of her wedding begins I still see that little girl with her own opinions and who is not going to let anyone sway her way of thinking.  So as we get closer to the big day all I can say is “we love you bridezilla and will love you even after the wedding”. 

Fredericks

So, my Fredericks of Hollywood catalog came in the mail the other day.  While looking through the catalog I kept thinking “now that looks comfortable”, can you tell how sarcastic I’m being.   Now don’t get me wrong I really do like some of the things in their catalog but some of the items leave me perplexed.   Of course if I looked like the models I would probably parade around all day long in lingerie and heels.  But since I don’t and neither do most of the women I know I’m still a little perplexed by some of the items in the catalog such as  . . .

I always thought that panties were supposed to cover certain parts of your body so how does having a piece of lace running all the way up your crack and then ending at the top of your backside with a big bow be considered panties.  Doesn’t the bow show the bow show through your clothes?  What really leaves me wondering are the ones that not only go up your crack but have what appear to be straps going across your backside.  I’m sure someone finds these comfortable or at least sexy.  Same thing with crotch less, I thought that was one area that was supposed to be covered.  I guess I’m showing my age but give me something that doesn’t show my panty line while covering things that I think should be covered.

Let’s talk about their heels.  Most of their heels are 4 – 6 inches high.  My foot is only about 8 inches long so to wear a heel that is 6 inches high means that I’m walking around on my tip toes, talk about being comfortable.  I would be afraid that I would fall on my face, which would make a lasting impression however I don’t want to be known as the lady who planted her face on the pavement.  Why can’t flat’s or shoes with a 1 inch heel be considered sexy?

Now on to the clothes, or what they consider clothes.  Who was the brilliant person that came up with the rhinestone top, where do you wear something like this?  I could just imagine showing up at the office in this.  The looks I would get.  Not to mention who is going to take you serious in something like this.  This top looks like a basketball net made of rhinestones so let’s just say that it doesn’t cover much and leaves nothing to the imagination.  I guess I could always wear it with a rhinestone skirt which would distract from the top, or maybe not.

So while I sit here perplexed I still keep thinking about what I’m going to order and how cool this stuff is.  So next time you see me walking around on 4-6 inches taller with my rhinestone top and skirt on and pulling at my butt crack you know that my order from Fredericks has come in and I’m proudly wearing it.

I do!

This last week we mailed off our RSVP to a friend’s wedding.  We, unfortunately, will not be able to attend.  We do wish them the best and know that she will be a beautiful bride.  While admiring her invitation it did bring up memories of our own wedding.

We were married November 7, 1981 in Minden, NV.  If you don’t know where Minden is, it’s a small town in Northern Nevada.  We had a small wedding that we planned in less than five weeks and which I often refer to as a “Murphy’s Law” wedding.  Everything that could go wrong did.

Our colors were baby blue and white.  I really don’t like blue, but we went with this color because my best friend and maid of honor had a blue dress the she wore at her mom’s wedding.  We were trying to save money so we decided that blue was the color for us.  A few days before our wedding my friend brought her dress over for me to see.  It was the worst looking dress I have ever seen.  She didn’t have it cleaned so stains from the previous time that she wore it where horrible.  My mom decided that she could make a dress, problem solved or so I thought for the moment.  So off to the fabric store we went to find a pattern and fabric.  The day of the wedding the dress was held together with everything under the sun except duct tape and if they came in colors other than gray my mom probably would have used it.   The flower girls dress was made from the same fabric and held up the same way so at least they matched.

Since we lived in a small town it was hard to find a wedding dress on short notice, so my mom found someone to make me one, problem solved or once again I thought so.  My mom had a friend who was a seamstress; I use the word seamstress loosely as the dress that she came up with was worse than the maid of honors dress.  She used gingham as the fabric, who used gingham for a wedding dress?  Now if you have never worn gingham it itches like crazy and weighs a ton.  My dress came all the way up to my neck and was long sleeved so I was red and blotchy from head to toe, an attractive look for a bride.  With every wedding dress you need a veil.  It was made from a very heavy mesh that was so heavy I couldn’t see through it with a three foot train and not to mention the thing weighed a ton.  My sister used a million hair pins to pin this thing to my head.  It wasn’t coming off unless I pulled my hair off with it.

My husband decided to get a perm right before we were married, which wouldn’t have been so bad but he looked like he had a blond afro.  I gave him one thing to do for the wedding, order the tuxes without my help.  Now it sounds like a simple thing but I now know that he needed a little more guidance then what he had.  The best man and my step dad were in baby blue tuxes, stop laughing it was a popular color when we were married, and my husband showed up in white, which would have been ok if I was wearing white but my dress was cream.  When I got to the church and saw him I was livid.  Let the problems begin . . .

As soon as the shock wore off on what he was wearing I went into the church only to discover that the flowers had not arrived and the bows for the pews were on the wrong pews.  The bows were an easy fix but the flowers not being there was stressing me out.  They did arrive soon but were the wrong flowers.  My bouquet was made with some smelly white flower instead of the white carnations and roses that I had ordered and the maid of honors bouquet was a rose bush.  We quickly removed as much of the bush as we could and did what we could with my bouquet.  I wish I could say that wrong flowers were the only problems but I can’t.  My brother, who was the usher, showed up in ripped jeans, a silk shirt unbuttoned to his belly button and duct taped tennis shoes, I kept asking what was wrong with the suit he was supposed to wear, his answer to me was he didn’t like the suit.  Ok so I would seat people myself, problem solved, and then my sister’s boyfriend (now husband) stepped in and took over for me what a blessing he was.  My aunt who looked a lot like my mom showed up to the wedding with a big gulp cup full of whiskey, more to come later about my aunt and the amount of whiskey she consumed.  My mother-in-law was crying so loud and saying things like “don’t do it”.   To make the event more enjoyable the organist was playing music that was more fitting for a funeral than a wedding, it really set the tone for the event.

As my step dad came into the room and asked if I was ready I starting laughing and said “no, I’m not doing this” I didn’t mean get married, I love my husband and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but I could walk out there and face my guests.  My step dad in his not so nice way said “yes you are I didn’t put on the monkey suit for nothing” he then proceeded to toss me out the door where I promptly landed on the floor in front of everyone.  I’m sure that I made quite an impression on not only my new husband but also on my guests.  So I picked myself up off the floor, pretended that everything was ok and proceeded to walk down the aisle with my step dad.  As I stood there taking my vows I couldn’t help myself I started laughing, not just a small little giggle I mean the kind of laugh that tears started rolling down my face.  My husband was so surprised and he kept nudging me and saying stop laughing it’s not funny.  I laughed so hard that soon other’s joined me.  After taking our vows we turn around and the minister introduced us.  Somehow the best man stepped on my train, I fell back and lucky for me he caught me.  So once again I made quite an impression on our guest. 

After the wedding we went to the reception where the problems continued.  Remember how my aunt showed up with a big gulp cup full of whiskey.  She had managed to drink the whole thing at the wedding.  Still this would have been ok but everyone thought that she was my mom and so most of our pictures have her in it and not my mom.  She also proceeded to make a big announcement that let’s just say was not appropriate for a wedding and soon after that she passed out on the buffet table in the potato salad.  My mother-in-law continued crying and saying things like “I can’t believe that you did this, you have ruined your life”.  The cake was the wrong color and flavor.  I was so miserable that I would only stay at the reception for about two hours and then I had to get out of there.  I told my new husband that I was leaving and he could join me or stay at the reception it was his choice.  He decided to join me.

We left to go to Caesars Palace at Lake Tahoe where we had a nice room that had a heart shaped tub and a huge bed.  We went and had a buffet dinner since we were unable to eat at our reception and came back to our room where my new husband proceeded to call his mother and talk on the phone.  I went to bed because I had had a big day.  The next morning I looked at my new husband and said “if we could survive our wedding and reception we could survive anything” and then we both laughed because that was pretty much all that we could do at this point.

We later found out that people had been placing bets at our wedding on how long we were going to be married.  Three years was the longest that we were given.  We have lasted 29 years and are still very much in love.  My aunt has since past away but I will always have the memory of her at my wedding, people soon discovered that she was not my mom and the photographer apologized for taking so many pictures of her and not my mom, my mother-in-law finally did accept me around our 24^th year of marriage and we have proven everyone that while our wedding wasn’t perfect it was still our day.  We wish our friends the best in their new life together and have no doubt that they too will have a long and happy marriage.

OMG, not another hot flash!

OMG, not another hot flash!  Every time I have one I think “God has got to have a sense of humor because I’m sure this is funny for everyone else but me”.  Growing up I heard about hot flashes but never understood what they were and who got them until it happened to me.  I was in my late thirties the first time it happened.  I woke up one night sweating and thinking that I must be running a fever.  I soon discovered that I was not sick I was just going through what millions of other women go through, hot flashes. 

At first I would get a little red in the face and get hot so I could easily cover it up.  Not only did they get worse with time I was also treated with leg cramps, the joys of getting older.  I remember waking up and ripping my clothes off because I thought I was on fire, but not only ripping my closes off I started  jumping around like a lunatic trying to get rid of the leg cramps.  I’m sure that at first my husband thought “I’m going to get lucky tonight, she’s taking off her clothes” but watching me jump around like a wild woman trying to rub the leg cramp out he probably thought “just pretend like your asleep and maybe the sight of this will go away and I will wake up thinking that it was a bad dream”. 

Now my hot flashes come on at any given time without warning.  I can get them at work, at play, or pretty much any time day and night.  Work is the worst time to get them.  All of a sudden I feel like I need to rip my clothes off and crank the air down to 30°.  The only think that stops me from doing this is knowing that stripping at work is frowned upon unless of course you work at a strip club then of course it is encouraged and people actually give you money to do it.  At my job I’m sure people would give me money to put my clothes back on and then they would escort me out the back door.   

Then there are the times that I’m out in public.  I don’t mind when I’m at Costco because I can stand in the produce or dairy area of the store.  If you have ever been to Costco you know what area I’m talking about, it’s the area that you usually need have a parka on to walk into.  All you have to do is stand at the door way and you can figure out which women are having a hot flash because they are the ones with no coat on lingering over the lettuce.  They pretend that they are trying to figure out if three heads of lettuce for $2.29 is a good deal or not.  Soon there is a small group of women standing close by but far enough apart so that there is no chance that we might be able to feel the heat coming off of our bodies, we all glance at each other with that “I know what you are going through”.  One time the wife of a co-worker thought that I was running a fever and asked a waiter to get me some ice water.  She then proceeded to attempt to dab my face to help me cool off.  I appreciate her help but boy was my face even redder do to embarrassment. 

So the next time you see a woman lingering in the frozen food section  with a look of contentment you will know what is really going on with them.  For all you husbands out there, if your wife rips off her clothes while sweating profusely just remember she is not in the mood she is having a hot flash so just pretend that everything is normal.  Damn hot flashes!

Harlem Globetrotters!!!

Today my daughter called me and asked if I wanted to go to a Harlem Globetrotter’s game next month.  I can say that I was excited even if it will be with a group of kids.  I have always loved the Harlem Globetrotter’s and was very excited when she said that it was floor seats.  Way too many years ago I wanted to play for the Harlem Globetrotters.  Ok those of you who know me you can stop laughing now.  For those of you who don’t know me let me explain why this would probably not work out.  I’m only 5’1” when the average player is well over 6’ tall, I think that I’m as tall as Curly’s legs.  There is also the fact that I know little to nothing about basketball, I still don’t know if it is played in quarters, innings, or periods.  Of course the main reason is that the few times that I have played I look like a duck on roller blades trying to roller blade on ice.  Needless to say I still thought that I would be great on their team.  As you know I never played for the Harlem Globetrotters and the last time I even had a basketball in my hands I managed to throw the ball over, under and everywhere else but in the net.  So if I go to the game I will set there watching, laughing, and dreaming about the time that I wanted to play for the Harlem Globetrotters.   

Welcome 2011!!!

As I sit here reflecting back on 2010 I keep thinking “where did the year go?”.  What a year it has been.  Some years I’m sad to see it go as so many happy memories happened and then others, like this year, I’m ready for a fresh new start.  I had many good times in 2010 but it was a year spent with a lot of anxiety and stress.  So in my reflections I have to think about what worked and what did not.  I have decided that this year I have to take all of the negative things that happened last year and turn them around into positives.  Since I do not make New Year’s resolutions, let’s face it no one keeps them, I’m making goals for myself.  My goals are as follows:

1.        Be more positive in all situations.  In every situation there are two ways to respond, I can be negative and view my glass as being half empty or I can be positive and view my glass as being half full.  I know that this will be tough, let’s face it life can throw a curve ball once in a while.

2.       Continue my exercise program.  Getting up at 4:00 am is not my idea of fun but I feel so good after I exercise so it makes it worth it.

3.       I tend to be an organized person but somehow this last year I let my organizational skills slip so I’m going to get back to being organized and remove the clutter from my life.

So as we begin 2011 my wish for all my family and friends is that you live each day as though it’s your last and that you laugh often.  J