OMG, Food Poising!!!!!!

A while back my husband and I bought a bullet, thinking how much fun we would have making healthy shakes.  I went to the grocery store and bought a variety of fruits, vegetables and raw pumpkin seeds.  The first one that he made was hard to drink because of the bright green color and he had put spinach in it, which apparently raw spinach doesn’t agree with my tummy.  So I went a while without having another one until one dreaded Friday.

My husband decided one Friday to make us a fruit shake with a variety of frozen fruit and yogurt.  It tasted delicious and even told him how great it tasted.  We leave for the office and on the way there are started thinking that I didn’t feel very good but that I probably just needed something other than just a shake.  When I got to the office I decided to eat some pretzels that I had in my desk drawer, not a wise idea.  While eating the pretzels I break out in a sweat and feel the need to get sick, yuck not a work.

I run to the restroom, luckily it was a false alarm or so I thought.  I go back to my desk and start working, all of a sudden I feel like I need to get sick.  I run to the restroom, no false alarm this time.  I rinse out my mouth and think “ok now maybe I will start to feel better”.  I get back to my desk and once again I need to run to the restroom.  After about the third time I call my husband and said I’m going home.  Thank God I keep towels in the car because as he was driving me home I was getting sick every 3 – 5 minutes.

We arrive home and I run into the house to continue what I had started at the office.  This is when my husband decided to do some research on what was going on with me.  I have my head in a bucket; I’m trying to sip water and praying that it stays down.  He comes into the room with me and says “I googled your symptoms and I’ve narrowed it down to three probably causes”.  I’m thinking “what the . . . “.  He says “it could be a concussion”, I replied that I didn’t hit my head, “ok so then we can rule that out, so then it could be food poising or a mental health issue”, I’m looking at him and still thinking “what the . . . “, I then blurt out that it must be mental health because I’m sitting here and listening to this.  We then determined that it must be food poising, which is what I figured all along.

Once we determined that it was food poising he then decided to read to me the ingredients from my morning shake.  I still have my head in a bucket, taking sips of water and praying that it stays down when he begins to read the ingredients.  If you have ever had food poising going over what you ate is not a smart idea.  He keeps reading as I’m getting sicker by the minute and finally I couldn’t take it any more so I scream out, “I have mental health issues so just stop talking”.  He quietly walks into the other room and thank God I fell asleep. 

It has now been a couple of weeks, I still can’t eat fruit or yogurt and my husband has come to the conclusion that it was food poising after all.

OMG, Getting Older Sucks!!!!!

Every time I see an ad that says 30 is like the new 20, 40 is like the new 30 and 50 is like the new 40 I want to slap the person who came up with it.  I’m sure it is someone who is in their 20’s and has no clue what it’s like to get older or it’s someone who is older and is just trying to make themselves feel good about their age.  Either way they still deserve to be slapped because I’m pretty sure when I was twenty it didn’t feel the same as when I was 30, and when I was 40 it didn’t feel the same as when I was 30. 

I’ve also heard that wisdom comes with age.  This is true but most of the time you can’t remember anything any way so where the heck did all this wisdom end up.  I once had a friend who was watching me struggle to remember something say to me “our mind is like a great big filing cabinet and as we get older we just have more files to go through to find the one file that we are looking for”.  I’m not sure if she was trying to make me feel better about not remembering or if she was trying to point out in a nice way that I was old, either way it did make me feel better so that is what I’m going with.

As we get older the things that we used to do with no problem seems to become more and more difficult.  Now when I do things I think “what the heck is that noise” and then I realize it’s my body going snap, crackle and pop.  I also find myself moving slower than what I used to move or being more cautious when doing things.  Man getting older sucks!!!!

As we get older we start growing skin tags all over our bodies.  Skin tags seem to grow over night.  One day you have none and then the next day you’re like “where did that come from”.  They are never cute enough to be called a beauty mole, no they look like those eye things that grow out of potatoes when you have had them for too long. Getting older sucks!!!

I now catch myself asking “when did the (pick any place) start hiring children?” and then I realize that they are actually adults.  When did everyone start looking so young to me?  Man it sucks getting older!!!!!

The other day I caught myself taking my glasses off so that I could read the small print on something and I found myself thinking “when did they make the print so small?”.  I was so frustrated until I went to work and saw a co-worker do the same thing which made me so happy until I realized that she is older than me.  I said something to my eye doctor about having to do this and he said “well it’s all part of getting older and that his dad was going through the same thing”, what the heck I’m now as old as my doctors parents, when did this happen?

So while I’m trying to embrace getting older I still want to go on record as saying “GETTING OLDER SUCKS!!!!”

Paper Gown’s, seriously!!!

Once again it was that time of the year that I had to have my annual visit to the doctors, yuck.  I’m not looking forward to this appointment because, well let’s face it, it’s not any fun.  So as I walk into the waiting room the first thing I hear is a screaming baby, and I think to myself I want to scream too but people think you’re crazy when you’re an adult so I hold it in and sign in at the front desk.

I take my seat and wait for the mountain of paperwork that you are expected to fill out with each visit.  I wish you could just write on the paperwork “Look at last years” but that’s not accepted.  My name is called so I go and get my clipboard with the mountain of paperwork attached.  I sit back down, still hear the screaming baby, and begin to fill out all the paperwork.  Once I’m finished I take it back and give them a copy of my ID and insurance card.  I then go back to sit back down and continue listening to the screaming baby, won’t that kid shut up for Pete’s sake. 

Finally they take me back, yes no more screaming baby.  The nurse and I walk to the scale, oh good lord did I wear light enough close, nope I must have gained 10 pounds from my house to the doctor’s office.  Oh well it is what it is.  Time for them to take my blood pressure, I’m sure it’s elevated after all I’ve been sitting in a room with a screaming baby, filling out a mountain of paperwork and I just got weighed, that would make anyone’s blood pressure rise.  Apparently between walking from the scale to the chair I must have died because I had no blood pressure.  After a few minutes of looking at me and then back at the blood pressure cuff she must have realized that I was indeed still a live and something must be wrong with the cuff so she takes my pressure from the lower part of my arm and, hallelujah, I’m alive.

After that scare it was time to enter the exam room.  We enter the room and the nurse hands me a paper blanket and paper gown, which she tells me is one size for most and to leave it open in the front.  She leaves the room and I fist unfold the blanket, I’m using the term blanket loosely as it was the size of a baby blanket, doesn’t she realize that I’m a grown up in a grown up body and a baby blanket isn’t going to cover anything so I quickly pray that the gown is made for grown-ups, I figured since I had just come back from the dead my prayer was sure to work.  Nope the gown was made for someone that wears a size 0, seriously how many people really wear a size 0?   

I begin putting on the size 0 paper gown, which I leave open in the front, and I hear a tearing sound so now my size 0 paper gown is open in the front and the back, awesome.  Oh well nothing I can do about it now.  I proceed to the exam bed, which why do doctors face the bottom part of the bed towards the door, don’t they realize that during the exam your whohaw is going to be facing that direction.  I hop up onto the exam bed and proceed to put the paper baby blanket over whatever I could and it happens, a hot flash hits.  Not just a small one, no that I could hide but a full blown sweat dripping one.  So I notice that now my size 0, torn, paper gown is stuck to my body, awesome.  Now that the gown is stuck to my body I’m thinking I must look like a fright.  Here I sit in the size 0, torn, wet paper gown anxiously waiting for the doctor to come in.

In walks the doctor, oh how I hope everything is somewhat covered, but since it’s stuck to my body at this point it doesn’t really matter.  After we exchange greetings the exam begins.  I’m soon asked to scoot to the edge of the exam table, not an easy feat since it feels as though I’m going to fall off the table and give the doctor a lap dance, not the way I want this appointment to go.  The doctor sits down to begin the exam and decides at that point to crack a joke, I start laughing and then begin to worry that I might laugh so hard that tinkle a little, whew I didn’t.  A few more jokes and answers to a few questions this appointment is over.

The doctor leaves and I’m finally able to take the size 0, torn, wet paper gown off and put my clothes on.  As I walk back out into the waiting room the screaming baby is still in there, thank God I made it through without screaming but there is always next year.

T-25 Does Not Stand For Time – 25 I think It’s Torture 25 Different Ways!

A few months ago I decided that I needed to step up my workout routine since I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted to after doing some research, apparently not enough; I decided to purchase Shaun T’s T-25.  I figured that everyone that I knew that had done his Insanity workout looked amazing after 90 days so why not give this a try. 

My workout DVD’s arrived about a week after I ordered them.  I was so excited about it and could hardly wait to get started.  I sat down and worked on my workout plan.  I decided that one of the things that I like to do is watch the news while I ride my exercise bike so I decided that I would get up at 3:40 instead of 3:50.  I would do T-25 first and then spend about 15 minutes riding my exercise bike and watching news.  This sounded like a great idea to me; after all it was only a 25 minute workout DVD so how hard could it really be.  I knew that the T-25 program was only 10 weeks, such a short time to get up 10 minutes early every morning.

I decided the following Monday would be an excellent time to start.  So the first Monday I get up, put on my workout clothes and head to my workout room.  My workout room consists of a TV, DVD player, a yoga mat, thigh master and two exercise bikes; one for me and one for my husband because apparently we can’t share one.  I walk into my workout room all excited about my new workout routine and how amazing I’m going to look in 10 short weeks.  I put my hair up in a ponytail, turn on the TV and put the DVD in the player.  I can hardly wait to get started.  The first thing you see is Shaun T who explains that one of the workout buddies is doing a modified version and IF you get tired you can follow her, what does he mean IF.  The first day the workout is called Cardio which really means sweat profusely and use parts of your body you didn’t remember having and that you will know that you have for the next week.  I figured that I should probably start with the modified version after all this is my first day, so the workout begins.  At the 2 minute mark I’m silently swearing at the TV and wondering when the torture was going to end but I keep going.  At the 15 minute mark I have sweat pouring out of every part of my body, even parts I didn’t know you could sweat from, and my swearing is now out loud, I really hate Shaun T at this point.  We get to the 12 minute mark where he announces that we are over half way done and to keep going, after all it’s only 25 minutes; he really means 25 different ways of torture.  I tell myself you only have 12 more minutes you can do this.  Next thing I know we are at the 5 minutes mark and somehow my hair has come out of the ponytail and is stuck to my face and neck and my hatred for this man has intensified but before long we begin the count down 10, 9, 8 I can do this, 7, 6 you’re doing it, 5, 4, 3 almost there 2, 1.  I was expecting balloons falling from the ceiling with confetti, after all I just completed the most grueling workout I deserved some sort of an award.

I continue this workout routine for 6 weeks, of course doing the modified version because let’s face it I’m not in shape yet.  So I start week 7 thinking I’m so amazing look at what I have accomplished so far so I need to step it up again.  I figured why continue doing the modified version, why not step it up and do the regular workout.  I turn on the TV, put my hair up, turn the DVD player on and get in position for my workout.  The workout is called Speed, ok I can do this after all I’ve been working out for 6 weeks.  The workout begins and I immediately realize that I can’t keep up but that’s ok I’m going to go at my pace but not doing the modified version.  The first 5 minutes everything is going great and then all of a sudden my body when one way while my right knew went the other way.  OMG the pain was so bad.  I sit down on my yoga mat and start rubbing my knee.  After a few minutes I figured I’m ok so keep going.  So I get up and begin what I call my version of the modified version.  I finish my workout, get ready for work and go about my day as though my knee doesn’t feel like it is on fire.  The next morning I get up thinking that I had given my knee a rest so I was fine I could do my work out, after all I still have 3 weeks to go can’t stop now, what a mistake that was.  I’m now sitting on the couch with my knee propped up and an ice pack on it hoping that the pain goes away.  I guess it’s time to switch to Sweatin’ to the Oldies, just a though . . .

OMG, Where Did 2013 Go?

As one year ends and another begins we like to reflect on the past and make resolutions that we feel would make the coming year better than the last year.  So my reflections are more like discoveries about myself than anything else.

I discovered that my family is very important to me.  I can’t tell you how many times I have thought that my family could be the biggest pain in the butt, however I have discovered that they can be but I still love them.  I discovered that my daughters are grown women and that I need to step back and let them blossom.  I discovered that my grandkids are amazing individuals that have many talents that I just didn’t know that the possessed.  I discovered that I love my husband more today than I did the day that we got married.  I discovered that without my family encouraging me and cheering me on that I may not have reached the goals that I have set for myself.  So with each discovering there is also a goal and my goal for 2014 for my family is to become their cheerleaders in life.

I discovered that I have some truly amazing friends.  This year we were blessed with spending a couple of long weekends with special friends.  We laughed, cried and got into trouble together; but then again if you are going to get into any kind of trouble who better than a friend.  We also continued our monthly dinner with a very good friend who I know that no matter what happens I can count on her to be there a 100% for me and I know that I would be there 100% for her if the need ever arose.  So my goal for the New Year is to spend more time with my friends, to laugh more with them and to think about them more often.

This year I discovered that I wasn’t making enough time for my hobbies.  I love to read but there just never seemed to be enough hours in the day to sit down with a good book and read.  I also love to cross stitch but once again I just never seemed to find the time to do this either.  However I did seem to find enough time to play games on Facebook.  I discovered that I probably need a 12 step program for my Farmsville 2 addiction; there is just something about that game that is addictive.  My goal for the New Year is to spend less time on Farmsville 2 and more time on reading and cross stitching. 

I discovered this last year that I love junk food.  I discovered that everything is better with bacon.  Bacon goes with everything from your basic breakfast foods to deserts.  I had found that while I enjoy my more exercise routine it just hasn’t been enough that I really need to step it up and get back to doing more than just riding an exercise bike in the morning.  My goal for the New Year is to increase my exercise routine and to become more active on the weekends.  I ‘m also going to try and not eat as much junk as I have been and to remember that while bacon may go with everything doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to eat it with everything.

So as 2013 comes to an end and we head into 2014 I know that I’m not always going to meet my goals but I’m going to do my best to reach them.  Good bye 2013 and hello 2014!!!!

Happy Anniversary Prince Charming!

Wow, 32 Years ago I married my Prince Charming.  At that time I was clueless about what it meant to be married.  I thank God that I married a man that has never tried to change me and accepts me for who I am.  My Prince Charming knows my many moods but most importantly he knows my heart.

My Prince Charming knows the many different sides of me.  He knows when I’m upset and when I need time to just process whatever is going on.  My Prince Charming knows how picky I am about various things, he knows my love for hearts and crystals.  My Prince Charming knows my favorite foods and drinks.  My Prince Charming knows how much I love to spend time sitting by the fire pit drinking wine, listening to music and spending time together.  My Prince Charming knows that I can’t walk into a room without tripping  over my own two feet so he is always there to pick me up, my Prince Charming knows that I can’t eat scampi without spilling down the front of me so he is always has extra napkins. 

I have often said that you can tell how much a man loves his wife by looking in his eyes.  When I look into the eyes of my Prince Charming I see love compassion and of course a few wrinkles.  So while I may have been clueless about marriage in the beginning my Prince Charming has made the journey through life worth every minute.  I love my Prince Charming more now than I did 32 years ago. 

To my Prince Charming I love you with all my heart and spending the next 32 plus years together is something I’m looking forward to.  Happy Anniversary Prince Charming

OMG, Diet & Exercise, YUCK!

About a year and a half ago I decided to get healthy.  I first off changed up my eating habits.  I eat five small meals a day with each meal between 200 – 300 calories each.  In order to do this I had to make a daily menu and follow it, not as easy as it sounds.  I do allow myself cheat meals, because after all I am human and I need my junk food fix once in a while.  I then started an exercise routine.  Ride my exercise bike in the morning for 30 minutes, Pilates at night, hiking on the weekend and Wii fit whenever I could fit it in.  Sounded like a great plan to me.

The first year I lost 47 pounds, yeah.  I was very proud of myself.  Then January happened.  In the first four months of the year I had to have surgery on both legs, we lost four people that we cared about and a couple of relatives had health issues.  I’m a stress eater and so you can only imagine what I did with each one of these life events, I ate and ate.  I have since gained back 15 pounds and don’t feel as healthy as I did in December.  Oh well this was a lifestyle change.

To keep myself motivated for the first year I would tell myself that I didn’t gain all this weight overnight.  I didn’t go to bed one night thin and wake up fat, it happened over time.  I had to remind myself that there are no magic pills; eat everything that you want, never exercise and then take a pill and you are thin and healthy.  I know that the diet industry wants us to believe that there is such a thing but if there were we would have a world full of thin people.  While we are at it why don’t we make a pill that makes everyone look like super models?  I would be first in line at the pharmacy for that pill.  I would love to go to bed the size and shape that I am currently and wake up tall with long legs and perky breasts. 

So in May I decided to get back on track.  I challenged my daughter to a squat challenge for June, crunches for July and pushups for August.  I thought this should be easy enough, right?  Boy was I wrong.  The first few days of doing the squats were pretty easy, but after that was pure hell.  My rear end hurt so bad that I couldn’t sit, stand, walk or move.  There were days that I thought “what did I get myself into”.  I had to continue no matter how bad it hurt because I had made a commitment to my daughter and if she was going to put herself through the same pain then I was then I couldn’t let her down.  To keep myself going I started telling myself that I was going to have buns of steel and I would give myself stars on my calendar for each day that I did squats.  I needed some self-gratification and putting a star on a silly calendar was giving me this gratification. 

With June being done and over with I ended up losing seven inches over all, 3 of those inches in my hips.  I was feeling real good about going into July and crunches, boy was I fooled.  Crunches hurt more than squats, my stomach muscles feel as though they are on fire.  I keep telling myself that I’m going to have six pack abs, ok let’s be realistic one pack, but that is better than having keg abs.  So I’m going to plug away at my crunches for this month and then on to pushups while dreaming about the day that someone comes up with that magic exercise/diet pill.