Paper Gown’s, seriously!!!

Once again it was that time of the year that I had to have my annual visit to the doctors, yuck.  I’m not looking forward to this appointment because, well let’s face it, it’s not any fun.  So as I walk into the waiting room the first thing I hear is a screaming baby, and I think to myself I want to scream too but people think you’re crazy when you’re an adult so I hold it in and sign in at the front desk.

I take my seat and wait for the mountain of paperwork that you are expected to fill out with each visit.  I wish you could just write on the paperwork “Look at last years” but that’s not accepted.  My name is called so I go and get my clipboard with the mountain of paperwork attached.  I sit back down, still hear the screaming baby, and begin to fill out all the paperwork.  Once I’m finished I take it back and give them a copy of my ID and insurance card.  I then go back to sit back down and continue listening to the screaming baby, won’t that kid shut up for Pete’s sake. 

Finally they take me back, yes no more screaming baby.  The nurse and I walk to the scale, oh good lord did I wear light enough close, nope I must have gained 10 pounds from my house to the doctor’s office.  Oh well it is what it is.  Time for them to take my blood pressure, I’m sure it’s elevated after all I’ve been sitting in a room with a screaming baby, filling out a mountain of paperwork and I just got weighed, that would make anyone’s blood pressure rise.  Apparently between walking from the scale to the chair I must have died because I had no blood pressure.  After a few minutes of looking at me and then back at the blood pressure cuff she must have realized that I was indeed still a live and something must be wrong with the cuff so she takes my pressure from the lower part of my arm and, hallelujah, I’m alive.

After that scare it was time to enter the exam room.  We enter the room and the nurse hands me a paper blanket and paper gown, which she tells me is one size for most and to leave it open in the front.  She leaves the room and I fist unfold the blanket, I’m using the term blanket loosely as it was the size of a baby blanket, doesn’t she realize that I’m a grown up in a grown up body and a baby blanket isn’t going to cover anything so I quickly pray that the gown is made for grown-ups, I figured since I had just come back from the dead my prayer was sure to work.  Nope the gown was made for someone that wears a size 0, seriously how many people really wear a size 0?   

I begin putting on the size 0 paper gown, which I leave open in the front, and I hear a tearing sound so now my size 0 paper gown is open in the front and the back, awesome.  Oh well nothing I can do about it now.  I proceed to the exam bed, which why do doctors face the bottom part of the bed towards the door, don’t they realize that during the exam your whohaw is going to be facing that direction.  I hop up onto the exam bed and proceed to put the paper baby blanket over whatever I could and it happens, a hot flash hits.  Not just a small one, no that I could hide but a full blown sweat dripping one.  So I notice that now my size 0, torn, paper gown is stuck to my body, awesome.  Now that the gown is stuck to my body I’m thinking I must look like a fright.  Here I sit in the size 0, torn, wet paper gown anxiously waiting for the doctor to come in.

In walks the doctor, oh how I hope everything is somewhat covered, but since it’s stuck to my body at this point it doesn’t really matter.  After we exchange greetings the exam begins.  I’m soon asked to scoot to the edge of the exam table, not an easy feat since it feels as though I’m going to fall off the table and give the doctor a lap dance, not the way I want this appointment to go.  The doctor sits down to begin the exam and decides at that point to crack a joke, I start laughing and then begin to worry that I might laugh so hard that tinkle a little, whew I didn’t.  A few more jokes and answers to a few questions this appointment is over.

The doctor leaves and I’m finally able to take the size 0, torn, wet paper gown off and put my clothes on.  As I walk back out into the waiting room the screaming baby is still in there, thank God I made it through without screaming but there is always next year.

T-25 Does Not Stand For Time – 25 I think It’s Torture 25 Different Ways!

A few months ago I decided that I needed to step up my workout routine since I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted to after doing some research, apparently not enough; I decided to purchase Shaun T’s T-25.  I figured that everyone that I knew that had done his Insanity workout looked amazing after 90 days so why not give this a try. 

My workout DVD’s arrived about a week after I ordered them.  I was so excited about it and could hardly wait to get started.  I sat down and worked on my workout plan.  I decided that one of the things that I like to do is watch the news while I ride my exercise bike so I decided that I would get up at 3:40 instead of 3:50.  I would do T-25 first and then spend about 15 minutes riding my exercise bike and watching news.  This sounded like a great idea to me; after all it was only a 25 minute workout DVD so how hard could it really be.  I knew that the T-25 program was only 10 weeks, such a short time to get up 10 minutes early every morning.

I decided the following Monday would be an excellent time to start.  So the first Monday I get up, put on my workout clothes and head to my workout room.  My workout room consists of a TV, DVD player, a yoga mat, thigh master and two exercise bikes; one for me and one for my husband because apparently we can’t share one.  I walk into my workout room all excited about my new workout routine and how amazing I’m going to look in 10 short weeks.  I put my hair up in a ponytail, turn on the TV and put the DVD in the player.  I can hardly wait to get started.  The first thing you see is Shaun T who explains that one of the workout buddies is doing a modified version and IF you get tired you can follow her, what does he mean IF.  The first day the workout is called Cardio which really means sweat profusely and use parts of your body you didn’t remember having and that you will know that you have for the next week.  I figured that I should probably start with the modified version after all this is my first day, so the workout begins.  At the 2 minute mark I’m silently swearing at the TV and wondering when the torture was going to end but I keep going.  At the 15 minute mark I have sweat pouring out of every part of my body, even parts I didn’t know you could sweat from, and my swearing is now out loud, I really hate Shaun T at this point.  We get to the 12 minute mark where he announces that we are over half way done and to keep going, after all it’s only 25 minutes; he really means 25 different ways of torture.  I tell myself you only have 12 more minutes you can do this.  Next thing I know we are at the 5 minutes mark and somehow my hair has come out of the ponytail and is stuck to my face and neck and my hatred for this man has intensified but before long we begin the count down 10, 9, 8 I can do this, 7, 6 you’re doing it, 5, 4, 3 almost there 2, 1.  I was expecting balloons falling from the ceiling with confetti, after all I just completed the most grueling workout I deserved some sort of an award.

I continue this workout routine for 6 weeks, of course doing the modified version because let’s face it I’m not in shape yet.  So I start week 7 thinking I’m so amazing look at what I have accomplished so far so I need to step it up again.  I figured why continue doing the modified version, why not step it up and do the regular workout.  I turn on the TV, put my hair up, turn the DVD player on and get in position for my workout.  The workout is called Speed, ok I can do this after all I’ve been working out for 6 weeks.  The workout begins and I immediately realize that I can’t keep up but that’s ok I’m going to go at my pace but not doing the modified version.  The first 5 minutes everything is going great and then all of a sudden my body when one way while my right knew went the other way.  OMG the pain was so bad.  I sit down on my yoga mat and start rubbing my knee.  After a few minutes I figured I’m ok so keep going.  So I get up and begin what I call my version of the modified version.  I finish my workout, get ready for work and go about my day as though my knee doesn’t feel like it is on fire.  The next morning I get up thinking that I had given my knee a rest so I was fine I could do my work out, after all I still have 3 weeks to go can’t stop now, what a mistake that was.  I’m now sitting on the couch with my knee propped up and an ice pack on it hoping that the pain goes away.  I guess it’s time to switch to Sweatin’ to the Oldies, just a though . . .