OMG, not another hot flash! Every time I have one I think “God has got to have a sense of humor because I’m sure this is funny for everyone else but me”. Growing up I heard about hot flashes but never understood what they were and who got them until it happened to me. I was in my late thirties the first time it happened. I woke up one night sweating and thinking that I must be running a fever. I soon discovered that I was not sick I was just going through what millions of other women go through, hot flashes.
At first I would get a little red in the face and get hot so I could easily cover it up. Not only did they get worse with time I was also treated with leg cramps, the joys of getting older. I remember waking up and ripping my clothes off because I thought I was on fire, but not only ripping my closes off I started jumping around like a lunatic trying to get rid of the leg cramps. I’m sure that at first my husband thought “I’m going to get lucky tonight, she’s taking off her clothes” but watching me jump around like a wild woman trying to rub the leg cramp out he probably thought “just pretend like your asleep and maybe the sight of this will go away and I will wake up thinking that it was a bad dream”.
Now my hot flashes come on at any given time without warning. I can get them at work, at play, or pretty much any time day and night. Work is the worst time to get them. All of a sudden I feel like I need to rip my clothes off and crank the air down to 30°. The only think that stops me from doing this is knowing that stripping at work is frowned upon unless of course you work at a strip club then of course it is encouraged and people actually give you money to do it. At my job I’m sure people would give me money to put my clothes back on and then they would escort me out the back door.
Then there are the times that I’m out in public. I don’t mind when I’m at Costco because I can stand in the produce or dairy area of the store. If you have ever been to Costco you know what area I’m talking about, it’s the area that you usually need have a parka on to walk into. All you have to do is stand at the door way and you can figure out which women are having a hot flash because they are the ones with no coat on lingering over the lettuce. They pretend that they are trying to figure out if three heads of lettuce for $2.29 is a good deal or not. Soon there is a small group of women standing close by but far enough apart so that there is no chance that we might be able to feel the heat coming off of our bodies, we all glance at each other with that “I know what you are going through”. One time the wife of a co-worker thought that I was running a fever and asked a waiter to get me some ice water. She then proceeded to attempt to dab my face to help me cool off. I appreciate her help but boy was my face even redder do to embarrassment.
So the next time you see a woman lingering in the frozen food section with a look of contentment you will know what is really going on with them. For all you husbands out there, if your wife rips off her clothes while sweating profusely just remember she is not in the mood she is having a hot flash so just pretend that everything is normal. Damn hot flashes!
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